Death Proof

Its very rare, VERY rare that a movie comes along that is so bad it hurts me to finish it. Death Proof is by far one of the worst movies ever committed to film. I know a lot of you are think "what? Why?!?! I really liked that movie"! Because its like hanging out with your sister as they talk about absolutely NOTHING. Then to pour salt on the wound they beat up Kurt Russell! They only way to review this piece of shit is to do by beginning, middle, and something they call a ending. 

So what did you expect? A plot? Well too bad because that is something this movie is completely void of. Instead we are introduced to 4 nasty hoes by the names of.... who fucking cares 1 through 4. They go to some dive bar and start to act like... well cheap redneck hookers. This would be a great start to a movie that ended in to girls kissing a porn grooves but this is not that kind of movie. No this is a car chase movie... i think. Anyways, to make a long story short who fucking cares 1 through 4 get drunk, act like out of work adult film stars and give a lap dance to Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell then thanks the hooker by taking her into his car and running head on into a car.. or a poll.... or was it bomb.... I don't know I was falling asleep. The fact being that the hooker dies. Wow right? Action, adventure and plot glore right? .... I wish I would of watched catwoman. 

The middle of the movie is like hangin out with your sister (if she is a hooker) and her hooker friends... FOR A WHOLE FUCKING HOUR. Thats the middle.... no really..... thats it. I wanted them all to die at the end of that. Every last one of them needed to be marked for death and beaten with a steel baton. I have never hated a group of characters more then these hookers. 

So what's the end of this cinema gold? There is a lame ass car chase and they beat up Kurt Russell. So lets tackle these both one at a time. The car chase.... Tarantino compared it to bullet. Matter of fact he said it was the best car chase ever put on film. To him I say "Mr Tarantino! YOU CAN KISS MY ASS". Bullet was awesome because it was bad ass. The chase was something that was still in the grasp of reality. Hanging of the front of a car going 120 is not something that could really happen!!!!! You just ruined your own movie!!! If you wanted it to be something that wasn't suppose to be real and gritty why did I just hang of with a group of hookers?!?!?!?!?! Hell!! Don't stop there. Lets make the cars fly and have her fight a polar bear with a light saber too! Make Kurt Russell a cyborg that shoots nacho cheese out of his hat when he gets upset!! YEA!!! Thats a great fucking idea!!! Oh and speaking of Kurt Russell... THEY FUCKING KILL HIM!!! The only good part of this movie dies right there and you have too watch they whole thing to see it happen. If it happened at the start then I could of just turned it off and saved my self some time. I mean come on!!! He is Snake for god sakes!!!! You mean to tell me Kurt Russell can be killed by bar skanks? I don't believe it..... 

Over all this movie makes me hate my self and gives me the urge to murder Tarantino. If you like this movie.... Just stop. Go watch it again... Maybe you were on drugs the first time you saw it. LSD is about the only way I could like this. If you still like it.... thats just not possible. Check to see if you are blind and deaf. This could also be the issue 

My rating. 10 fucking warlocks